He’s Still Working On Me

There really ought to be a sign upon the heart- don’t judge her yet, there’s an unfinished part.  But I’ll be perfect just according to His plan, fashioned by the Master’s loving hands.  -Joel Hemphill

The penicillin testing is history. Yay! I’m so happy to have that over with.  It was a long day- 6 1/2 hours of sitting and waiting and reading and pacing.  But it’s over, and I am officially cleared to take penicillin!

That day I surrounded myself with prayer.  I sent out mass text messages, asking people to please pray for me.  Driving into my appointment, I could FEEL the battle.  The fear was so real and so dark, that I had to keep praying.  When I finally got in there, got settled and got started, I was able to relax.  That’s when I could feel the prayers of others like a cushion around me.

They started me with skin pricks, first on one arm, then the other, waiting 20 minutes after each to see if a rash would pop up…nothing did.

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I know, I look terrified/crazy, but I was so incredibly bored at that point.  And I wasn’t even half way through.

After I passed the skin test, it was time to start taking it orally.  I’d just assumed I wouldn’t make it that far, so I was a little nervous.  They gave me 1/100th of a dosage and waited a half hour.  The nurse would constantly pop in the room and ask, “Are you OK?  Feeling alright?”  I did have a little nausea, but it soon passed.  Then, 1/10th of a dose, and another half hour of waiting.  Again, nausea, but we decided it’s from putting antibiotics into an empty stomach.  Finally, they gave me a full dose.  By this time, I was scared.  I knew the chances of me having a reaction at this point were very slim, but I was waiting for it to happen.  When the hour was up, I could hardly believe it.  I’d made it?? With no reaction, no swelling tongue, no hives, no anything?! It was such an incredible feeling!

I smiled and sang the whole way home.  I knew I was a part of a miracle.  It took me so long to settle that night because I was so pumped up.

The next morning, I crashed.  It is so hard to come down from that emotional/spiritual high and face reality again.  Immediately after the wonder of being part of a miracle faded, I felt like Satan’s wrath came on in full force.  He recognized God’s Power, His healing, and he.was.angry.  I felt like every time a battle was won, another came in just as strong.  And I didn’t always win.  I failed, over and over again.  God seemed so far away.  I was weary, and feeling worn-out at the thought of starting each day over again.

But God knew.  And in my devotions, He spoke through the words of others…Don’t push those unpleasant feelings down; instead, let them come to the surface where you can deal with them.  Ask My Spirit to increase your awareness of them and bring them boldly to the light of My Presence, so that I CAN FREE YOU FROM THEM.  I was letting the miracle become bigger than the Miracle-Giver.  I was starting to elevate myself instead of remembering that I’m still a poor lowly sinner, humbled before my great Redeemer.  I don’t deserve all the good things I’ve been blessed with- my husband, family, friends, abilities, health- these are all gifts from Father.

I am humbled and in awe.  No, it’s not fun to see sins that crop up so easily and the work that needs to be done.  But praise God, He’s still working on me!

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  1. Praising God right along with you! Your battle sounds so familiar to what we are feeling while awaiting the verdict on Luna’s case. I to can sometimes feel the powers of darkness hovering near attempting to extinguish any hope I may feel. Other times I am in awe of God’s wonderful provision. When I hurt so badly I cannot even pray words someone tells me they were praying for me. What a wonderful blessing to have faithful believers who lift us to the throne! Keep writing, your words inspire me!

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