It’s just an empty room, bare and echoing. Light gray walls, white trim, and a dusty window. The hardwood floor is sanded down, waiting for the protecting finish; the closet has a few empty hangers sitting in a row. When I open the door, it creaks loudly in the stark bareness. But I love to stand in the doorway and gaze at this room of promise. I imagine a crib with soft baby blankets, clean white curtains, and a rug that’s so thick you want to wiggle your toes in the indulgent luxury. I imagine a glider rocker in the corner, and a round basket full of tiny baby clothing ready to be washed. I imagine a changing table with itty-bitty diapers and sweet smelling baby lotion. I can picture myself rocking a little one to sleep, softly singing songs about love and Jesus. I can see myself running quiet fingers through the downy curls of my sleeping baby.
When I gaze around our unfinished nursery, it moves me to tears. For years, I’d dreamed about having a nursery. And for years, I closed off the part of my heart that dreamed about being a mom, rocking babies to sleep, teaching life lessons to inquisitive children. And now, it’s like the gates have been thrown wide open. It is so overwhelming for me to wander through the baby aisles at the store without that aching void deep inside, or to think about pampers and onesies and feel no twist of jealousy.
Whenever I used to imagine myself as a mom, I didn’t think of being a foster or adoptive mother. But when I now think of being a mom, I don’t care if it’s through fostering, adopting, or biologically- I get to be a mother! God is entrusting me to take care of a baby in need, to love him or her for however many days or months or years He sees fit.
Does foster parenting scare me? Absolutely. The baby, or child, or children we will be receiving are coming from abuse or neglect or with unmet needs. Our time with them is not guaranteed. There is so much paperwork and legal matters involved. There will be caseworkers and coordinators, visits and courtrooms, uncertainties and broken promises and hurting hearts.
Then I think of making a difference in someone’s life. I think of a little baby being cuddled and loved who desperately needs it right now. A child who longs for a gentle touch, a kind word, an understanding hug.
And I think of the story God has been writing and how He’s led us here-right here– to learn, to push forward, to love…and I feel so honored to become a mother.
Thanks for all the prayers and support. We love how this has opened our eyes to so many caring people….
Life has been pretty busy. We are finished with classes (Yay!!) and are anticipating more paperwork and a few more visits with the coordinator before we become certified foster parents.
The kitchen blinds are finally up, the pictures are hung, and the door painted.
The living room mini-blinds were swapped out for nicer ones and the gallery wall finished.
We’ve been loving warmer weather and longer days, especially when we’re on vacation!
Ladies night out with my sisters and Mom!
I don’t know about you, but I love summertime! And as much as I long to be done working and become a stay at home mom, I don’t want to wish away these days of beauty.
So I’m learning to enjoy this time of just the two of us, savoring the moments of togetherness.
I love this man and am so glad I get to be his wife. 🙂