Neediness- that word isn’t one that sounds pleasant. I would throw it on the same pile with other words such as clingy, desperate, and selfish.
What does it mean to be needy? The dictionary explains it as needing a lot of attention, affection, or emotional support.
A needy child drains you. A needy spouse can build up resentment and tear down a marriage. A needy friend can slowly but surely cause you to pull away.
I like to think of myself as being a non-needy person. In fact, I took (take) some pride in the fact that I can tend to myself without relying on others for too much.
But when it comes to me and God, my non-needy habits are a crutch. I need God. I need to be needy with Him.
I am now a non-working mom-to-be. 🙂 It’s a phase I’ve never experienced before and I am excited about it! But I realized that the joy and anticipation of waiting for our foster son or daughter had been replaced by fear and dread. The fun preparing is done- nursery is finished…
…The paperwork and home studies are done, and we’re just waiting to hear that we’re approved. A friend jokingly said it’s like I’m in the labor stage- which I thought was a great comparison. 🙂
I’ve been babysitting a lot lately, and it opened my eyes to the neediness of children. I was (still am!) very used to doing my own thing, in my time. The idea of having someone else dictate my time and schedule has been sapping joy from me. I was so scared of the change, the adjusting, the newness. I was scared of resenting the intrusion on my life.
Then, in the middle of all that, I received a call from a friend who felt God was asking him to share this with Jay and I. He said, “God has a blessing in store for you. Satan will try anything he can to take away the joy…The fire is getting hotter for you, but it is a refining fire.” I’ll never forget how I felt as he spoke those words of truth. God was so very real in that moment. Our friend then shared this verse from Psalm 52:8. “But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in the loving-kindness and mercy of God forever and ever.” (AMP) This friend had no idea that I was battling these fears and worries. But that was the start of a chain of hope and promises from God. Everywhere I’ve turned this week has pointed me to just how much I need God and how it’s okay to need Him.
God wants me to be needy with Him.
One of my biggest fears was that I wouldn’t be able to worship Him the way I was used to- free mornings and afternoons to just stop and be with Him. So, I’m being honest with my Father. I need to worship Him, I need to be in His Presence daily.
Now, I realize that He very likely won’t grant me several hours or even an hour every single day to be still and worship, and that is okay. I believe He will provide a way for me to be with Him whether I’m busy or not. Some days may be much harder, and time will be shorter, but I know He can bless two minutes the same as two hours. It’s up to me to trust that He knows best.
You have said, Seek my face (inquire for and require My Presence as your vital need). My heart says to You, Your Face (your Presence), Lord, will I seek, inquire for, and require (of necessity and on the authority of Your Word). Psalm 27:8 AMP
I’m being intentional about this time off. I have a long list of to-do items, but more importantly, I’m using these moments to be still and worship.
We’ve had a busy summer- busy, but fun! Here’s a few pictures that show some favorite moments…
Surprise baby shower from friends…
Camp Royal Girls Camp 🙂
Beach Vacation with some of Jay’s family
Pretty flowers from a friend
A weekend in Potter County with this man…:)
Picking raspberries along the trail
Snuggling with my niece Tatum
A road trip to Virginia Beach with the besties to visit a dear friend
And lots of time spent babysitting this sweetie