Hugged By God- Part 3

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“Don’t be faithless and incredulous, but stop your unbelief and believe!” John 20:27 AMP

Jesus’ rebuke to Thomas is justified.  His fellow disciples kept telling Thomas that they had seen Jesus, but he refused to accept it “unless I see the marks in His Hands and put my fingers in the nail marks and in His side.”  Then he would believe.

Jesus could have left him there.  Because really, it was Thomas’ own fault for not having the faith to trust in Jesus.

But Jesus’ love for his Thomas couldn’t allow Him to just not show up.  And eight days later, comes Jesus’ gentle rebuke as He stood before a wondering Thomas.  “Now do you believe, Thomas, now that you’ve seen Me?” And then it’s as if He turns to me within the pages of my Bible and looks deeply into my heart.  “Blessed are those who have never seen Me and yet have believed and trusted and relied on Me.”

The words of my Master hit their mark.  I’m quick to mentally judge doubting Thomas.  He spent so much time with Jesus, the Son of God, how could he not trust Him? But, turn the microscope around and my heart shrinks back from the accusing glare.

I may not have ever seen- literally looked at Jesus; but I have His Words.  I may not be able to feel- tangibly touch His nail-scarred Hands; but I have the Holy Spirit, moving and guiding my heart.  And when my heart fails and I don’t feel anything and I wonder where my God  is…then is the time to step out in faith.  Because we all know feelings can’t be trusted.  That saying that sounds so wonderful and romantic, the one that says to follow your heart?  Yeah, that one is a lie, designed to trap us in our fickle feelings.

Some days it’s easy to trust.  Jesus seems so near and we know we can do anything with Him.  And then come the days when the battle is tough- so tough that you wonder if there will be anything left of you when the day is through.

“Blessed and happy and to be envied are those who have never seen Me and yet have relied on Me”…

The story doesn’t end there.  When I keep reading down to verse 31, I see another challenge.  John is talking about all the signs and miracles that weren’t even recorded, and he goes on to say,

But these are written in order that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Anointed One, the Son of God, and that through believing and cleaving to and trusting and relying upon Him you may have life through His name (through Who He is).

Life through Who He is.  Not “trudge through the day trying to survive” through Who He is. Not “curled on the floor day after day waiting for things to get better” through Who He is.  LIFE.

I get it- some days are hard, and I need to cry and search for answers and process the pain of all that’s happened.  That’s normal and healthy.

But when faced with meetings and loss and grief and pain and more discouraging news, do I pull a Thomas? It’s too much, God, where are You?? How is this fair? I can’t believe, I can’t trust, until You make things better or make things right!

Or do I open my heart in trusting reverence, even while it bleeds with pain and fear over the past and future?

“If we who are abiding in Christ have hope only in this life and that is all, then we are of all people most miserable and to be pitied.” I Corinthians 15:19 AMP

When I choose to hold onto the belief that I should be scared, that I should fear our future, or that I should doubt God’s goodness, I am stamping a large FALSE sign over the resurrection of Christ.  How that must hurt my Father’s heart! Because the very reason His Son died and rose again was for sin- the sin of unbelief, the sin of distrust, the sin of doubt.  And yet, He did it anyway, loving with an unfathomable Love, waiting for my heart to believe again.

Hallelujah, what a Savior!Jan2015 020We have been so very blessed by the support of others- texts, phone calls, cards, flowers, and so many prayers. I’m always amazed how I can FEEL the prayers of God’s people.  The month of January is dragging and yet, it’s flying by…

Date night- felt so good to get out! I love this man so much…

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Aren’t these flowers beautiful?

phone picsDec2014 017  We’ve been receiving care packages from people.  I’ve yet to figure out exactly who’s behind it, or what the letters are spelling out, but give me time…:)  These are just a few we’ve received so far.Jan2015 012Jan2015 016

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One day it snowed this funny looking snow…graupel!

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Evenings seem a little too quiet around here, but it does feel cozy to relax with the wood stove keeping us warm.

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Thank you everyone for your prayers & support!

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12 Comments

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  1. Love this, Kendra! I just read that verse in 1 Corinthians 🙂 Continuing in prayer for you!

  2. Your testimony is amazing! Praying for you!

  3. I love that yellow mug- “I love you a bushel and a peck..”
    You write eloquently!

  4. Your testimony is an inspiration to me. May God bless you with peace and joy as you wait on Him.

  5. You my friend are an inspiration to me! Keep letting Jesus shine through you.

  6. Such an inspiration!!! Praying for you and Jay!

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