The Eye of the Storm

March2016 002

Gray clouds hung low, dropping their cold raindrops. The water trickled through the muddy flowerbeds and collected in a pool beside sullen daffodils.

The woman’s hands were wrapped tightly around her steaming mug of coffee. Her eyes were overflowing like the murky puddles outside. She swiped angrily with a trembling hand at the unwelcome tears. How tired she was of crying!

Her mind drifted to the week before, when the sun had been shining brightly in the spring sky. Fat clouds drifted as she happily immersed herself in a book. Suddenly the light was gone. She looked up as wind howled but soon returned to her reading. Then sunshine came again, and she was aware of a new sound- raindrops. Dropping her book, she had gone to the window, and her heart slammed against her chest at the sight. Bright white sunlight and raindrops falling like glitter. Panic overtook her and she gasped aloud, No God! I can’t do this! I can’t bear this!

She was waiting for news, big news about their future. They’d been waiting for weeks.

A year ago, they’d been waiting for different news when the glitter fell from heaven and she’d gotten that awful phone call that rocked their world. And now here it was again- waiting, and an afternoon of glitter.

The fear that overtook her was so intense she lost all sense of reasoning. Falling to her knees she wept. I can’t handle this! I can’t take more bad news, God!

She wept for a long time. The rain stopped, the sun kept shining, and still she remained; battling, crying, praying.

No phone call, no news.

Her heart rate slowed. No bad news today. The day ended and she had slipped under the covers questioning the strange coincidence of it all.

Now days later she watched the rain fall again. Still waiting, always waiting. Had God forgotten her?

New hurts, new challenges-life kept moving on for everyone else.

Still she waited. She held on to her will and it festered inside of her and she felt hot anger curl the edges of her heart. How long, Lord? This isn’t fair! Just give us news! But days passed with no email, no phone call, nothing in the mailbox. Finally she surrendered. Father, I need you! Please forgive me! Your time, Lord, not mine! Take away any desires that don’t fit Your plan for me. Here’s my heart, Father-use me for Your glory!

Days later, the woman pushed back a strand of hair and sighed with pleasure as she gazed at the clean kitchen floor. Weekly cleaning done, laundry folded, and the beautiful sunshine was calling her outdoors. As she emptied the water, her phone rang. It was her sister-in-law checking in to see how they were doing. (Yes, they were still waiting, No, still no news.) As she chatted happily, she went out for the mail, pulled open the lid, and as her gaze fell on the big envelopes, she knew. Her hands trembled as her gaze took in the official address on the corner. This was it. Their big news was here, in her hands.

She ended the call and sat on the sofa. She called her husband. “We got the paperwork!” Her eyes eagerly scanned the sheets of paper, the big words, the many paragraphs. Where was it?

Vindication for one name! Thank you Jesus!

Wait…Oh Lord, no! NO!!

The other- denied.

“Hon, you need to come home. Only one was cleared.”

Her husband was home and walking in the door. There were no words, just that shared glance of disbelief and sorrow.

Anger, confusion, and deep sadness. Hot tears, begging on her knees, and a broken heart.

That evening they sat in the back corner booth of a diner and ate greasy burgers and drank coffee and talked and cried. Back home, they brought their broken hearts to God, and whispered with trembling voices, “I need You, Lord.”

And the next day, they continued sharing the news. The tears flowed. He didn’t eat, she didn’t sleep.

But they kept talking, and kept coming to God. We need You, Lord!

A song kept running through the woman’s mind. God is on the move, on the move- hallelujah! God is on the move in mighty ways. God is on the move today.

She came with shattered heart, offering it to her Heart Mender. Peace settled down deeply as she surrendered. She knew without a doubt that God was working good. And as the week passed, He continued to work healing in both their hearts. The Holy Spirit moved and comforted and healed. Decisions needed to be made, and they kept talking and praying, and they both realized that God was clearly telling them to step back in and enter the legal process again. They knew what that meant. More waiting, more financial commitments, and possibly another hearing. But that settled peace from God was enough.

The woman smiled as she again held her coffee, listening to birds’ early song. Joy! It shouldn’t make sense to feel this way, with the dreams of motherhood, foster care, and adoption gone. Would she still battle grief and loss? Absolutely. She knew it would cut like a knife when precious babies were born, and pregnancies announced and other’s dreams fulfilled. She was human. She would cry and battle and surrender over and over again.

But her God was faithful. And when she willingly gave her heart, her life and her future without hesitating, there was joy. The days right now were calm. She knew another storm was coming, but she didn’t fear. Right now, she was digging in deep, strengthening her roots, preparing by nestling in close to her Savior. He was enough.

Only You, Father. Only You.

For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man; that Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passes knowledge, that you might be filled with all the fulness of God.Β  Now unto Him who is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto Him be glory in the church of Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen. Ephesians 3:14-21


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  1. Your surrender to God’s will & strength shown in all you’ve been thru, continue to challenge me. Hugs & prayers!

  2. This is beautiful Kendra! I am inspired by your willingness to surrender, your desire to give it all to God. Sometimes I long for just a glimpse of the future so I could see what God is going to do with your story, because right now in my human eyes it looks all wrong. May God bless you in a special way today.

  3. Kendra, my heart aches with you as I read. So many dissappointments for you! But God is on the move! He is able to do abundantly more than we can know!! Hang in there!

  4. God is on the move hallelujah Amen. Beautiful precious promise dear friend. You have a beautiful talent of sharing your heart through your words. Keep on writing and inspiring me to fully surrender my will to Him and to desire what He wants for my life more than what I want. You are a treasure, girl. Hugs

  5. Oh Kendra my heart aches so much for you both. Your story is so real to me in a very different way. But I feel your deep deep pain and anxious! We walked those same paths and experienced all those highs and lows. The pain of infertility never truly goes away. While the sun has finally broken through the clouds for us….those dark clouds always stay on the horizon. I too would love to see your future πŸ™‚ God only wants what is best for you, not to hurt you….so I’d love to see the day when you can look back and say that was a really tough time but look at us now πŸ™‚
    Much love and prayers for what you still face.

  6. Sharon Martin May 2, 2016 — 7:20 pm

    Oh Kendra, I was meditating on those last two verses today. They are easy to claim when God has answered our prayers in the form of a precious baby boy. But can I still believe they are true as I apply them to your story? God bless you as you wait. He will do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think. Love and Prayers

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