Living Well in the Unknown

I’ve always hated storms. I used to think it was the danger of the lightning that scared me. But it wasn’t. What scared me was never knowing when the next flash will be, how close it would be, or how loud the thunder cracked. I don’t like not knowing what to expect.

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I have the same reaction when a child plays with a balloon- it drives me crazy. I can hardly focus on the conversation around me because I’m waiting for that inevitable pop! I silently will the child to break the balloon right away so I won’t be surprised at the sound…Weird, I know. 🙂

It makes sense, then, that I don’t like change very well, doesn’t it? Oh, I like the adventure and a change of scenery- but on my terms, when I think there should be change.

Summer is rapidly drawing to a close and I am sad about that for several reasons. One, I’m a summer girl. The beauty of the season revives and refreshes me. I love the sunshine, the sound of locusts singing, and the smell of sun baked grasses along the road.

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The other reason is that the end of summer signals the end of not worrying about change in our lives. Fall means more answers. We were told that four months could pass from early summer before the next step is taken. True to their record, we haven’t heard anything all summer.

And it was so nice. It was peaceful. We didn’t have the lurking worry about an email popping up, a phone call from the attorney, or discouraging news in the mail. It was a summer to take a break, breathe a little, and refresh ourselves before we dive back in to the waiting game.

Except, I’m not ready. Even after weeks of of rest, just the thought of enduring another fall and winter of stress and waiting and court dates looks overwhelming. I’m not ready for stretched patience, anticipated hope, and heartbreak day after day.

We’re begging God for vindication. I want it so badly for my husband that it brings me to tears every time I plead with God. We hope and pray the decision made in the next few weeks means the end of the road for us, even though we’ve been warned it’s not likely to happen. We know God could do it. We’ve seen the miracles He’s worked in our lives.

But we don’t know His plan. And it is so hard for me to surrender my will and my trust to Him. I want to tell Him exactly what to do, when to do it. I don’t want my hopes and dreams dashed. I want to be comfortable, not fearing bad news or bad days, or a future that doesn’t seem good.

I can spend my time wandering around the house as it storms, worrying about the lightning and if I’ll be safe. (Or I can hide behind the sofa like I did as a child!). But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s still going to storm the same, regardless of my response to it.

And let’s be honest- life will have storms too, for all of us. We can spend our time worrying, with one eye open and ready for the next lightning strike and crack of thunder- but the reality is, we can’t predict when the next blow will come because we’re not the author of the storm. God is. Our majestic, perfect, and loving God is in control.

He has allowed storms in my life that I’ve hated. Storms that terrified me, storms that broke me, storms that caused me to battle fear and doubt like never before.

But they all have one thing in common- they drove me to my knees. Closer to my Father and to His heart. In hindsight, I thank Him for those storms, even though I don’t invite any new ones in my life. But I thank Him because my Father is a loving Father and He knows what is best.

Do I still fear storms? Of course I do. But I don’t need to focus on them. Satan will do whatever he can to make me stay in that place of restless doubt and anxiety. As the daughter of the King, though, that is not the place for me. I need to bring it all to God and give it to Him.

I focus on the Creator and rest in His love. Instead of languishing, I thrive. Instead of fearing, I rejoice in hope, pressing on. And I surrender, daily, to His plans for me because our God is good.

You will guard and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You. Isaiah 26:3 AMP

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Live well in the unknown so you can live strong when God shows you His will.

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3 Comments

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  1. Beautiful Kendra! God is fulfilling his plan for your life and your willingness to submit to that plan even though it may look far different than you hope or dream, is an inspiration to me. May God grant you the desires of your heart!

  2. I wish so badly that I could just make everything better for you & Jay! Please know, that I am praying for God to move in a mighty way, so you don’t have to go thru months of waiting for answers.

  3. Beautiful analogy. Good good stuff my friend. This continual sanctification thing is real. Praying with yous that you will not have to endure a long fall and winter repeating the things you went through last year. But if you do…. We are right here walking along beside you. Keep on writing.

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